naar Vriendenbrief 2005 t/m 2010(Dutch) 
Dear friends,
A letter this year from the Goudenregenstraat, where everything reminds me of her unforgettable presence. And in my mind I heard her exhortation: ‘Rob, write the letter now, otherwise we are so late.’ A letter to tell you how much I was encouraged and comforted by the many affectionate Christmas- and New Year greetings, the mails and phone-calls in the months gone by. Dear friends, I remained erect, but the pain becomes rather more than less. Every day, since June 18th, makes her belong irrevocable to the past more and more, for me, for the children and grandchildren. It comforts me in a special way when I hear from outside our family, from co-workers in the Hospice, parishioners and Quilting friends, that they have not yet accustomed to the empty place she has left. Together we share nd bear the pain and that creates a surprising bond.Despite everything I want to tell you what, apart from our grief, happened in our family.
Martyria & Jan Pieter (Almere) celebrated their 16th marriage anniversary in June and it was celebrated with a week-trip to vacation park Mont Royal in Germany. Betsy and I were invited to stay with them and from 10-17 June we enjoyed a great time with them and the grandchildren! Marty is secretary of the Central Church Board in Almere and has, apart from the secretarial work for the Order of St Luke, a busy time in her family. Jan Pieter has a management job in I.T. and works indefatigable with the youth of his church and his father was taken into a nursing home some weeks ago, very imprinting for him and grandma Bijsmans. Amy (12) goes to the 8th grade of elementary school and enjoys acting in the theatre group very much. She also plays badminton now. Calvin (8) choose hockey as his sport and has good results in the 5th grade. With his sums he even works one year ahead! Let’s not forget to mention Libby, the new pet, a dog of 10 month, that keeps the whole family going. And J.P. takes it to the puppy training (or is he the object of training? ).
Stephen & Bianca (Amsterdam) have moved on again!
They bought a house - close to the former one - with more
space for the family. March 2006 they moved in. Stephen
had a tense year, for his employer went bankrupt. Happy for him the firm could make a new start and now the
prospects are good. Bianca found a new job (permanent) in February 2006. Iris (10) is in grade 7 of elementary school and received his C-certificate
for swimming. Amber (8) is in the 5th grade and she received her A-certificate for swimming.
Eva (6) grade 3 is learning to read and is very proud that she can write some words already.
Pepijn (5) grade 2, is a wonderful fidget. In summer the family stayed at a farm in France for three weeks and the children enjoyed the countryside so very
much. They miss their grandmother in the Hague very much, with whom they could play tag in our garden with
so much fun. Lisa & Richard (Landsmeer) we plagued by viruses that
targeted the children very much in December. Richard
alone looks invulnerable like a rock in the breakers. He
plays volleyball each week and that is apparently very
healthy. Lisa still works two days a week in school, but
had to stop with fitness. At Christmastime she
accompanied her mother to a ecumenical celebration in the
nursing-home and het mother liked it very much. Reno (5) is in the second grade now and does not like do
make little pieces of work. What he does like is singing in
the Christmas-musical in which he played a star. All the
songs he knows by heart! He also likes to take his friends
home from school. Jonna (2), was plagued by a herpes in
December. Since October she
goes to the nursery and likes to
play with clay, puzzling and
playing with toys so much, that
she does not even notice when her
mother leaves. Maarten & Marieke (Amsterdam) had a very eventful
year. The 24th of January they married silently. The same
evening Marieke’s parents offered a dinner at their place to
the newly married couple and Betsy and me. Maarten and
Marieke are looking for a more spacious abode, but that’s
very difficult in Amsterdam. Marieke works in a
restaurant. After the birth of Lizzy Norah Ivy she enjoyed a
maternity leave of several months. Norah saw the light on
the 13th of November: a grandchild my Lizzy so dearly had
loved to see. The little one is doing well and has an
enchanting smile. Elize ( 6) is in grade 2 and is already
able to write simple words! She has swimming lessons
and likes it very much. The 4th and 5th
of May she stayed with us and Betsy
took her to the beach in Scheveningen.
Last Sunday (March 5, 2006) she still
remembered it very well. Maarten
likes his job and is a careful father. Anna (Amsterdam) is the tender
‘landlady’ of Joos en Fannius (her
cats) and did not move to another
house this year! She still is a member
of the co-management council. In July she accompanied
Rob for some days to Wales, where Geoff and Glenys
offered hospitality and memories we shared of the time
with Betsy were shared. Short after the disaster, it was a
time of healing. Betsy I glanced through her diary of the first six month - could
not keep my eyes dry - and was astonished to see the
variety of activities I found. And in her mailbox I found an
ample correspondence with our children, friends, family
members and former colleagues, all showing her warm
interest and faithfulness through the years. Every Wednesday morning I saw MWW in her diary, the
MidWeekWalk she walked with her ‘walking friends
Dorien and Rosa. In last years letter Betsy mentioned
proudly that she walked it a hundred times (she received a
nice commemorative coin), in 2005 she walked it another
22 times, altogether 123 walks of 10 km. The last one she
did was the 8th of June, two days before we left for
Germany. And we have to mention the Quilt-bee’s in The
Hague, Utrecht and Amsterdam, where she went every
month. In Utrecht there was an exhibition in May, where
quilts Betsy made could be admired. She visited a region
day of the Quiltersguild, together with her friend Dijan she
went to an exhibition in Rijswijk and quilted several days
‘at Wil’s’. She worked 37 shifts in St. Jacobshospice,
participated in the volunteer consultation and took part in a
two days course in a monastery. For a staff member of the
hospice who retired, she made a huge, beautiful quilt. In
our local congregation (Bethel) she met several times with
the garden committee, but she was most happy when she
could rout up the earth and weed. She helped in preparing
the summer ‘Tea garden’, a weekly meeting place for
people from the neighbourhood and was hostess at the 20th
of May. She also took part again in our ‘Open Meal’ and in
January the cooked a delicious meal for 35 people. She was
busy preparing the yearly Bladel-family reunion, wrote
reports and arranged the accommodation for October 2005.
The 16th of April it was ‘Granny’s day’ in pleasure ground
Drievliet, so together with Rob, Amy and Calvin she
walked in the rain all day from one attraction to the other.
In the wildwater-attraction she screamed louder than the
children. In her diary I found the days she had to go to the
thrombosis-control, because of her irregular heartbeat she
had to use medicine to thin her blood. She experienced
these visits as a tiresome thwarting of her active existence.
The 22 of April we had a dinner with (former) members of
the board of the Dutch Casa Materna Society (Children’s
home in Naples). We revived old memories and closed the
book with melancholy. Betsy said that she should miss the
regular contact with our Italian friends. At the National
meeting of the Protestant Church- 23rd of April in Zwolle,
she was active at the booth of the Order of St Luke and
took part of a workshop where she clayed a sculpture. She
created a hand: symbol of the God in whose presence we
are safe. The 22nd of May we visited a church service in
the Reformed church of Volendam, where we met rev.
Marjan Nijman. We walked through the famous village and
in the afternoon we visited an exhibition of painters and
sculptors in the Great Church of Monnickendam. At the
graveyard we found a bench where we enjoyed our lunch
and amidst the tombstones life smiled upon us. It was a
sunny day too on the 28th of May when we visited
Madurodam (miniature city) together with Lisa, Richard,
Reno and Jonna. Reno enjoyed the Miffy exhibition so
much. We also enjoyed some culture: February 7 she
visited a concert in Rotterdam (Doelen-hall), March 28 to
Mauritshuis to see painting of Vermeer that is only for
some weeks in the Netherlands and Trompe d’oeul-paintings (deceiving the eye). Our ‘old flame’ Boudewijn
de Groot gave a concert the 11th of April in Circustheater
Scheveningen. We biked back home on cloud seven.
March 28 a concert of Haaglands Gemengd Koor, in the
Citymuseum of the Hague we visited May 16 t ‘the young
van Gogh’, we tasted heaven in the Janskerk in Gouda,
May 31, at a concert of the Choir of York Minster. In The Hague Betsy was present at a farewell dinner for my
colleague Lenie Vollebregt (May 26) en her warm farewell
service in the Exoduskerk (May 29). The quilts Betsy
promised to make for her will be unfinished for ever. Betsy
accompanied me to a party in Ouderkerk aan de Amstel, to
celebrate that Elizabeth Post (June 4) graduated at the
University (subject: laying on of hands). The first of June
we attended a funeral in Amsterdam, where Mrs. Aaf de
Boer (my deacon in Amsterdam, 1971-1992) was buried.
This became a small (last)
reunion with our friends from
Amsterdam. On Friday morning
June 10, we travelled with Jan
Pieter and Marty - and kids - to
holiday ground Mont Royal in
Germany. It became a week
never te forget. We drink
cappuccino in a pavement in the
son, enjoy sorbets, wine and
icons (Traben Trarbach),
worship in an open air service
(her last), drive and walk
through deer park Daum and admire the city of Trier. In the
evening we play Mah Jong and have good conversations
far into the night. Betsy
swims every morning with Amy
and Calvin. Thursday evening a
splendid dinner at the borders of
river Rhine, where we celebrate
the 16th marriage anniversary of
Marty and J.P. On Friday
morning we tidy up the
bungalow, Betsy washes up with
Amy and then back to the
Netherlands. At a car park past
Arnhem our ways part: Almere
and The Hague. ‘See you in the
Hague! Sunday you celebrate
your 37th marriage anniversary!’ When we arrive home at 16.30 hours, Betsy says: ‘What a
pity that we are late for the Teagarden. Otherwise we could
have greeted the people there.’ She goes to the supermarket
to buy food for the week-end and prepares a meal for me.
She herself only takes some grated apple and apple juice,
for her stomach is a little upset. She sends enthusiastic e-mails to her friends and makes appointments for the week
to come. And tomorrow night a shift in the hospice... In de early morning of the 18th I awake by the sound of her
dyspnea. Within five minutes I realise that my life will
never be the same again. The nurses of the ambulance,
warned by dialling 112, are not able to bring her back. My
girl, how silent do you lay down for ever! A day later I
find in her the book she was reading: ‘I shall miss life’.
(Translation of ‘Before I Say Goodbye’, Ruth Picardie).
The title could have been the title of the book of her life.
She loved life and radiated happiness. Rob My mother(82) misses Betsy very much.
Betsy called on her regularly and in spring
2005 she took her to the hairdresser and
she accompanied her to hospital for an
investigation. This year she had a cystitis
several times, because she does not drink
enough. In April she was robbed by an intruder in her own
house, the coward! I am glad that Anita (my sister) keeps
an eye on her and Anna took over from Betsy the care for her
finances. Bethel congregation: This year I had my leave and in the
months April and May I studied the development of the
Anglican theology of healing in the 20th century. It resulted
in an article in the winter issue 2005 of ‘Wereld en
Zending’ (World and Mission, of the Dutch Missionary
Council) with the title: ‘Healing is the mission of the
church’. After returning from Germany I intended to
pursue my study to see what the Anglican theology of
healing can contribute to the
Dutch situation. But you will
understand that I had other
things on my mind and heart. Jan Swagerman (Story teller and
once a member in my
Amsterdam congregation) gave a
workshop about ‘Biblical stories
are life stories’ on January 20. Sunday February 13 we had
a special Sunday with the proclamation of the winner of a
poetry- and story contest that we organised. Rob Favier, a
singer/theologian preached and sang in the morning service
and in the afternoon we had the Festival of the Word. The
winners of the first prize received the new translation of the
bible in a very special edition. In the jury we had Oeke
Kruythof, Willem van de Meiden en Henk Lemckert. On
March 13 we had a creative service with the theme: I am
thirsty. The vision of the valley with the dry bones (Ezekiel
37) was acted in mime by Mirjam Schouten and Betsy had
made a ‘grave cloth’. After the prophetic words that gave
life, there was the impressive symbolism of an empty grave
on the liturgical centre. On March 16 I spoke about the
‘Lectio Divina’ for our senior members and in the
afternoon the Rev. René van de Beld ( Arie van Viegen,
piano) presented his program: ‘Paul, traveller with
luggage’. After a time of preparation and publicity the
‘Teagarden’ was opened in our church garden (May 6). At
the close of the season in September we could look back at
a successful experiment. Many from our neighbourhood
had enjoyed the garden and our hospitality. The church council decided that we should have a place of
remembrance for our deceased sisters and brothers. April
18 Betsy and I bought white stones, on which a name
could be written. November 6, in the morning service
Betsy’s name was mentioned - among the other deceased
of the past year. Our children en grandchildren were
present in the service and Marty took the white stone with
her name written on it home. The Order of St Luke: In
Spring I was asked by the Evangelical Broadcast to help
prepare a television program about ‘praying to become
healed’. The shooting of the program was April 21 and it
was broadcasted June 30. I was glad with the result and
there were many positive responses from the viewers. It
was quite emotional to see myself and to hear the words I
spoke about Betsy, not knowing she should not be among
us at the date of broadcasting. Our summer conference
(Emmaus, Helvoirt) from June 25 -30, started three days
after Betsy’s funeral. The board wanted to cancel the
conference, but I urged them not to do that. I was at the
conference but did not give a lecture. It was a difficult
week with heart warming contacts. Sometimes I took a
walk into the wood and cried at the statue of Christ. In
Driebergen, prof. C. van der Kooi organised a theological
reflection about the healing ministry with representatives
from the charismatic and evangelical world. I took part on
behalf of the Order of St Luke. One of the questions: what
position do we take between over strained expectations and
lack of faith. Church and Healing, The Hague: We had four
celebrations in the Anglican church. In November the last
one, after a respectable history of more than fifty years. We
have decided to organise a congress on healing in
November 2006. Publicity: In the March issue of Soteria (Evangelical
Theology) I wrote a paper with the title: A theology of suffering is the most healthy thing we can wish. It’s a protest against a teaching about healing, in which
staying ill is ignored, is blamed to the patient’s lack of
faith. In autumn the Salvation Army (together with the
Dutch Bible Society) published a book for the homeless
and the tramps: ‘Rambling through life’. I contributed a
chapter. We try to communicate the gospel in the language
of the street. The City Mission Oude Zijds 100 in
Amsterdam celebrated its 50th anniversary and for a
booklet I wrote down some memories about father Piet
Lindner, who was my long time friend and leader of the
community. Three years have gone since he died. This
year I functioned as temporary chief editor of ‘Kerk in
den Haag’ (monthly news magazine of the churches in The
Hague), an inspiring time, but sometimes overshadowed
by discussions about editorial independence. Theology for lay people: In Utrecht and The Hague I
lectured ‘Church and (worldwide) society’. In Autumn I
lectured for the 3rd grade students systematic theology:
Christology. Inspiring lessons for the students and me! How could I go on without friends! This was a year in
which I experienced very intensively how important the
friendships are that we developed during our lives! What a
pleasure to be guests at the party (March 2) in
Oudenhoorn, where Teun en Corrie Verduyn celebrated
their 25th wedding anniversary. Teun did his pastoral
training period in my Utrecht congregation and the family
has a very warm place in our hearts. March 20 we visited
Jennie van Doesburg (a former parishioner) in the hospice
in Utrecht. How glad she was to see that Betsy had come
with me. Gerrit Jan Westerveld, the Roman Catholic
pastor in the parish there, Betsy received branches from
the box tree, handed out during the Palm Sunday service
that morning. Two weeks later we were in Utrecht again to
render the last honours to Jennie and to celebrate God’s
grace in her life. With Pentecost Betsy and I were in
Hollandsche Rading, where our friends Daan en Trudy
van de Waals celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. After Betsy’s passing away I have been comforted greatly
by the sympathy and love of the children, family, friends, acquaintances and (former) parishioners. Your phone calls,
(Christmas)cards, visits, dining together of going to a
museum - great quality! I hope to be emotionally less
vulnerable this year. There are days and moments that
grief overwhelms me. My deepest comfort again and again
are the hymns that accompanied us through life. It was a
great gift to discover dat the hymns Betsy had chosen for
her funeral, were the same ones that accompanied me. How much joy did Betsy and I have in all the things we did
together these years in the Hague. Our last walking-adventure was in Groningen (most northern province of
our country), where we walked for hours through the rain
in the wet and heavy clay. After travelling home by train
(for two hours) our cloths were still soaking wet. But how
much had she enjoyed this day! ‘What a good suggestion
you made’, she said after we returned home. This is a
memory I shall always cherish in my heart and thoughts,
she was a lover and mother, grandmother and friend who
loved life to the full. Rob van Essen Goudenregenstraat 100 2565GA Den Haag email: robvan.essen@hccnet.nl website: www.robertvanessen.nl weblog for Betsy: http://kijkbijrob.blogspot.com/ Notes from Betsy’s personal diary February 5, 2003 This afternoon the shock of our life. Brother Piet Lindner
suddenly past away today, a cardiac arrest. April 19, 2005 I am designing three cushions for
a female colleague of Rob, nice to do and quite a neat project. I finished a mini-quilt with designs
from Greece. It was a devil of a job, 4 x 4 small patches and the total size 35 x 35 cm. It really
was chipping work, I don’t know when I do such a thing again,but a friend has a cute design of a wreath and that is a great
temptation , I fear! I have however to finish several things , so I don’t have to hurry. One should always have a rod in pickle, that’s the fun of it. The yearly midweek with my sisters (in-law) will be after the
family reunion in Bladel this year. We hired a farm extra for the
whole week, where we can host extra sleepers if necessary. That Monday I go to Waalre again for the European Quilt
Exhibition, I am not yet sure my sisters will go to, but I always
go with my friend van Utrecht, the same who taught me to
paint, she also likes to do patchwork en quilting. In January I took courage and went to the dentist again. I had
not gone for years and the last time was when we lived in
Utrecht. One of my walking-friends has asked her dentist if he
could have us. In December I was very much in pain and then I
had the courage to phone him. He had his Christmas holiday,
but in January he could have me immediately. He is a nice man,
quite young en very able and I trust him very much. Today two
remnants of molars have been extracted and in autumn I have to
come for a check. Next year he can do some things, but for
now my insurance does not compensate more expenses. So
stupid I did not go last year! Rob has his leave now and is seldom out. I am happy I have my
own work. He has not really begun to study, but does all kinds
of little things. I know that, when I shrink from things, I fancy
all kinds of things so that I can postpone what I should do.
However, when you have started once, it turns out well. April 20, 2005 Last Wednesday I had a splendid walk in the dunes, what a treat
it is, just a relaxed walk. As long as I can do this, I can live with
my minor heart problem. April 24, 2005 My mother-in-law needed a permanent wave urgently, I had
postponed it for weeks, so now I used the free ticket from the
railways to visit her. I had phoned Janneke (wife of my brother Hans) to inform if
she was home. Her daughter from Veendam was there (I made
her wedding-dress) and I was welcome. I took the train at 8.30
a.m. and biked at 9.30 through a very sunny Amsterdam. I
followed the river Amstel until I reached Amstelveen. It was
great, I really enjoyed it and it took me exactly one hour.
Wow! I arrived shrivelled, for I had forgotten my little water
bottle. So I refuelled and had a cup of coffee, then I
accompanied them to the mall in Amstelveen. After that I
biked to my mother-in-law, another hour biking, I had to rush a
bit, for we had an appointment at the hairdresser at 13.30
hours. My mother-in-law was almost ready, but I had to rush
her, for she is so slow! On our way to the hairdresser (200
metres!) She had to rest two times. But now she looks nice
again with her hair done. Friday I had to go to the thrombosis control and after that I
went to our church garden to do some weeding. Yesterday I
had terrible muscle pain in my thighs and buttocks. I am used
to nothing. Friday night the last, closing dinner with the board
of the Dutch Casa Materna Committee. The whole project is
finished in Naples. It has a sad side, we have been in touch for
35 years! Times are changing and it did not function as an
orphanage anymore, but it was an impart part of our lives. I
shall miss going to the South of Italy regularly, we always had
a place to stay there and from the home we have made many
trips.
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